Will Governor Quinn’s New Legislation Eliminate Bullying?

By Lisa Catania, LCSW

Printed in The Villager, August 2014

 Children experience bullying every day.  Consider this scenario:  Some child steps into the power role of name-calling, gossiping, physical threat or aggression, or getting peers’ attention by doing something-rude-and-daring-under-the-teacher’s-nose…  Another child gets targeted because someone has perceived him/her a target that can be dominated or diminished – a good subject for the age-old game of bullying.  Other children watch and observe the dynamics, studying how to avoid the game or perhaps how to join in and benefit from the illusion of power/importance.  Guaranteed, this “game” (that happened when you and I were children) is being played out anew in the neighborhood school, the backyard, and definitely in cyber-space.

Though bullying is commonly thought of as a “rite of passage” of “kids being kids” and a way of “toughening up”, it is actually a form of social violence that has real and often permanent consequences.  Children who are bullied have increased risk for depression, anxiety, health concerns, and a decrease in academic achievement.  Children who bully are more likely to have ongoing problems with abuse of others, abuse drugs and alcohol, drop out of school, and have criminal convictions.  Witnesses or bystanders of bullying can struggle with depression and anxiety, school attendance and be at increased risk for drug and alcohol abuse.  Bottom line, kids who are left alone with these dynamics struggle with feeling safe with others, and internalize distress.

Unfortunately, bullying is still under-recognized and poorly addressed at a societal level.  A teacher in a suburban school district tells me that she has seen bullying in every school she has taught in; and that she has yet to see a comprehensive dedicated approach to deal with bullying in any school system.  She sees that teachers often do not have significant training, administrative support, nor the time to deal with complex social and interpersonal issues that originate outside classroom environment but somehow become another responsibility in their already overloaded set of expectations.  I believe that our neighborhood schools, though often well intentioned, face the same constraints and often drop the ball in addressing bullying in the school community.

On June 26^th, 2014, Governor Quinn signed legislation to strengthen anti-bullying laws in Illinois. Effective immediately, the current legislation requires public, charter and “non-public and non-sectarian” schools to implement anti-bullying policy that: provides a definition of bullying; outlines procedures of reporting (including means to report bullying anonymously), investigating, and responding to bullying; includes parent notification; outlines interventions; describes means of posting and distributing the school’s policy; and reports data on bullying to the ISBE. This legislation was the result of a task force’s findings that Illinois previous anti-bullying law lacked adequate definition, policy and reporting directives.  Illinois still lacks a model policy program, and leaves policy development to individual schools/school districts.

Might this law be the solution to transform educational settings and make them bully-proof?  Unfortunately, I don’t think this law, in concert with previous laws, will make a tremendous difference.  It seems to lack funding and a model program, and leaves schools subject to the commitment and resources in already stressed systems.  The truth is that bullying exists because we, as a society, permit it and perpetuate it.  It takes a community to change bullying.  It takes students and parents who, in the face of bullying situations, are willing to speak up and insist on change.  It takes bystanders who will become “up-standers” – individuals who will offer to help and will commit to action, and who will refuse to give up.  It will take teachers who continue to go above and beyond to commit themselves to truly understanding bullying dynamics and to find daily social emotional learning opportunities to guide their students.  It takes administrators who are visionaries and leaders that will commit to a comprehensive anti-bullying program such as Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, and who will oversee daily efforts for years to create a healthier, safer social and emotional school environments.  It takes children and adults who are committed to become more tolerant, respectful and compassionate towards themselves and others. Change is possible if we hold ourselves and each other compassionately responsible.

For more information on the dynamic and effects of bullying, links to state law and effective anti-bullying programs, and local resources of support from Bully Free Beverly – please visit us at: http://beverlytherapists.com/bully.htm and via our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/BullyFreeBeverly.  More details will be posted when available.  We will provide a workshop on Bullying for interested parents and educators in September.

 

  For additional help, please feel free to call one of the therapists on the Bully Free Beverly team: Lisa Catania, LCSW 773-719-1751, Jennifer Lara, LCPC 773-251-8016, or Michelle Wood, LCSW 773-307-8365.

Letter to Parents about Bully Free Beverly Initiative

This letter to parents is part of a packet sent to local schools this past week.  Read this and the following 2 posts to get a comprehensive idea of the "I am an Upstander" Bully Free Beverly 2013 Initiative.  Please visit our website to more resources to deal with bullying: http://beverlytherapists.com/bully.htm

"October 2013

Dear Parents,

Enclosed please find an activity your child completed at school in collaboration with our Bully Free Beverly community wide initiative.

October is Bullying Prevention Awareness Month.  Bullying is a societal problem that we wish did not exist.  However, unfortunately, it does exist in both child centered and adult environments as a way that certain individuals look to have their power needs met at someone else’s expense. 

The Bully Free Beverly Initiative was first created by the Blossom Boys, and now we (a team of therapists at Beverly Therapists) are carrying this important idea forward.  Our hope is to educate the community about the basics of bullying dynamics so when situations come up, children and adults will be able to get help.  If you have current concerns about bullying, please reach out to us – we want to help – see our contact information at the end of this letter.

With our current initiative, “I AM AN UPSTANDER”, we are also trying to create a proactive and positive awareness and response at the very roots of bullying – when it occurs.  “Upstander” is a new term that refers to a compassionate, assertive bystander who “takes a stand to help” in the face of unjust, mean behavior.  We have confidence that most bystanders in bullying situations are compassionate and want to act when unjust situations occur. We asked teachers to talk to local students about bullying and upstanding.  We hope you will also talk with your child at home.  We hope this will help your child know they can talk to you if a difficult situation presents, and that you can talk together about positive, empowered ways to help and advocate for oneself and on behalf of others. Acts of upstanding include:

·         interrupting the bully from picking on a target

·         showing kindness and friendship for the person getting picked on
·         telling adults who can and will help
·         showing respect in words and actions

We want all children to feel safe and respected.  Please emphasize to your child that if a situation looks or feels out of control or dangerous, he/she should get adult help immediately and not intervene on his/her own.  For more information on bullying and what you and your child can do in bullying situations visit www.stopbulling.gov and visit our website page at www.BeverlyTherapists.com .

We hope you and your child will help us with our goal of increasing bullying awareness and positive reminders of upstanding on the community level.  Hang the picture in a prominent place at home, as a way to remind that your home is a “BULLY FREE ZONE”.  Also, please submit a color copy, or email us a scanned image of your child’s “I AM AN UPSTANDER” picture.  With your permission, we hope to make some posters to hang around the community and to post all submissions (one a day) on our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/BullyFreeBeverly.  Please like our page, and stay connected!

Mail/drop off (simply slip through our mail slot!) submissions to:

Lisa Catania, LCSW
Beverly Therapists
10725 South Western, 2^nd Floor
Chicago, IL 60643.
Or email images saved as a .pdf, .ai, .psd or .jpeg to Beverly-therapists@comcast.net .

Include your permission to use the picture for poster and/or Facebook use, and let us know if your child would like his/her name to be included, or to be anonymous.

Thank you for your consideration in supporting this initiative. 

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
(Margaret Mead)

With gratitude and peace,

The Bully Free Beverly Team @
Beverly Therapists
10725 South Western, 2^nd Floor
Chicago, IL  60643
Email:  Beverly-therapists@comcast.net

Lisa Catania, LCSW                                  Jennifer Lara, LCPC                                Michelle Wood, LCSW

773-719-1751                                            773-251-8016                                         773-307-8365"

Letter to Teachers about "I am an Upstander" activity

by Lisa Catania, LCSW

Here is a letter we have sent to area schools with the hope that schools/classrooms will participate in our Bully Free Beverly - Bully Prevention Month activity:  "I AM AN UPSTANDER".  Please direct your child's classroom teacher to our website, blog and facebook for resources to participate in this project.

"September 25, 2013

Dear School Administrators, Teachers and Staff,

We are writing you today to ask you to join us in a community wide initiative to boost social and personal awareness about bullying and to promote a positive culture of kindness, compassion, and action in its’ place.  We know you are already working in this capacity, and hope that we can support each other.

 

October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and the beginning of a new school year.  We felt this is a perfect time to create some community momentum to be proactive about bullying issues. 
 
Most bullying happens in environments that are outside of adult supervision, and most commonly, in cyberspace arenas of Twitter, Facebook, texting, and other new-upcoming-cyber-environments-that –we-adults-know-nothing-about.  We want to address bullying at these roots where the “bystanders” can be empowered to stop, help, tell, and support immediately when incidents are happening.  In the last few years a new term has emerged to label the bystanders who can help and rescue: “UPSTANDERS”.  According to Laura Hampton from EdNews Parent: “An upstander is a person who goes against the tide and will protect a victim from injustice.  The word is contrasted with bystander, which describes a person who does nothing to help when someone is being mistreated.  In the case of bullying this doesn’t necessarily mean a child needs to “take on the bully” in order to be an upstander.  There are other ways students can stand up for their peers who are being bullied, such as telling a teacher or parent or reaching out in friendship to the victim.”

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a common term and vision to address bullying issues between schools and in the broader community?

Our vision is for conversations about bullying - and a positive, empowered way – to happen simultaneously in classrooms and homes throughout our community.  Here’s how:  We have enclosed a simple activity to be completed at the classroom level:  create a picture under the title:  “I AM AN UPSTANDER”.  The picture can be the child’s or teen’s idea about how s/he can or has stood up in the face of wrong-doing (particularly in power-imbalanced, aggressive interactions which are the core interaction of bullying).  S/he could add at the bottom, “BULLY FREE ZONE”. 

Around this activity, you can have conversations about:

·         the dynamics of bullying;
·         what it means to be an “upstander”;
·         why can upstanding be daring?;
·         what kind of rules can your classroom have to prevent bullying?;
·         how might you notice and award upstanding behavior? (great activity – make a post-it tree and when there is a reported act of kindness, compassion, or bravery - note that with a post it comment on your tree)

To support you in this activity, we have enclosed resources in this packet/email.  (see next post for these resources)  We have included some good primers on bullying and upstanding, and web-based resources for classroom aids.  Please access our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/BullyFreeBeverly or our webpage at www.BeverlyTherapists.com for more information and easy access to quality resources.

After you complete this activity, please hang the children’s posters around the school.  Please send the pictures home with the child with the enclosed note from us attached to it; ask your students to discuss the project with their family, hang the poster in their home or in a window, and to connect to our Facebook page for ongoing ideas and support.  We hope parents and children will choose to submit their child’s artwork to us.  Our vision is to create posters to hang around the community – in store windows, at the local library, at local parks.  We also would love to post children’s images daily on our Facebook page.

 We hope to have an ongoing relationship with you.  Please let us know how we can support you. Feel free to contact any of us for more information.  Please let us know about any successes or other projects you are doing to battle bullying or promote upstanding.  We will keep you informed of any other community incentives we have developed.

Thank you for your consideration, and hopefully your participation!

With gratitude and peace,

The Bully Free Beverly Team @ Beverly Therapists

Lisa Catania, LCSW            Jennifer Lara, LCPC                  Michelle Wood, LCSW

773-719-1751                      773-251-8016                           773-307-8365"

 

Resources/links to educate about bullying and UPSTANDING

Resources for Classroom activity: "I AM AN UPSTANDER"
Please visit our Bully Free Beverly Facebook page (we have only been posting since 9/2013 – please scroll through our history for videos, articles, links to valuable informative and positive resources):
https://www.facebook.com/BullyFreeBeverly

UPSTANDING “Bully Bust”

• Educators Link:  http://www.schoolclimate.org/bullybust/resources/educators
• Video Resources:    http://www.schoolclimate.org/bullybust/upstander/video-resources
• Upstanders in Action Toolkit:  http://www.schoolclimate.org/bullybust/assets/documents/upstanderKit_moderators.pdf

UPSTANDING From “The Bully Project”  http://www.thebullyproject.com/ 

• 10 ways to be an upstander: http://d3n8a8pro7vhmx.cloudfront.net/themes/51e1be8f9670a42080000002/attachments/original/1377636679/10WaystoBeanUpstander_copy.pdf?1377636679
• Empowered ByStanders: https://d3n8a8pro7vhmx.cloudfront.net/themes/51172dcc1ad07a63d6000002/attachments/original/1361485067/EmpoweringBystanders_copy.pdf?1361485067

UPSTANDING & ACTIVITY AID

• Excellent example of upstanding in action: NBC’s Dateline excerpt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEjVsMtf1d0

BULLYING BASICS

• Dan Olweus is a foremost authority on Bullying Prevention: http://www.violencepreventionworks.org/public/bullying.page

• APA Bullying Module for Teachers:  http://www.apa.org/education/k12/bullying.aspx
• StopBulling.gov:  http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-you-can-do/educators/index.html

 
ACTIVITY AIDS

• New York Times, The Learning Network, On Bullying – Resources and Questions for Writing or Discussion (high school level?):  http://learning.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/05/on-bullying-resources-and-questions-for-writing-or-discussion/?_r=0
•  “In the Mix: Bullying Take a Stand” PBS series; clip: Cyberbullying tips on what to do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHBmsLBa_QE
• PBS Kids, It’s My Life, Bullies:  http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/bullies/
• Videos on bullying, gossiping, anger management: http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/video/index.html
• PACERS National Bullying Prevention Center, videos:http://www.pacer.org/bullying/video/
• YouTube – Anti-Bullying mix (view first- varying messages):
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3KsGTIeO7A&list=RD02D3KsGTIeO7A
• Younger kids site, including wepisodes: http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/index.html

Bully Free Beverly Initiative: ‘I Am an Upstander’

By Lisa Catania, LCSW

What has been your experience with bullying?  Do you have memories of it from the past?  Do you see it someplace in your life today?

Many people think of bullying as physical threats, harassment and even physical provoking and beating.  Bullying is also about gossiping, excluding others, judgment and social punishment. Betrayal of trust, such as someone sharing communications or texts without approval, especially in a mocking or vindictive way is another form of bullying.

There are many ways an individual can feel hurt in social situations.  The experience of inflicting pain by lauding power in insensitive and hurtful ways is at the core of bullying.  Put simply, bullying is the physical, social and/or emotional way someone exerts power over another individual, usually causing pain and fear.

The classic bullying dynamic includes the target or victim (usually an individual who has been isolated), the perpetrators (an individual or group), and the bystanders (individuals who are aware of wrongdoing but who are scared to or don’t know how to intervene). 

Recently, a new term has been coined by bully prevention advocates:  “the upstander.” 

“An upstander is a person who goes against the tide and will protect a victim from injustice,” said Taura Hampton from EdNews Parent. “The word is contrasted with bystander, which describes a person who does nothing to help when someone is being mistreated.  In the case of bullying this doesn’t necessarily mean a child needs to ‘take on the bully’ in order to be an upstander.  There are other ways students can stand up for their peers who are being bullied, such as telling a teacher or parent, or reaching out in friendship to the victim.”

Emphasis on the “upstander” has the potential to significantly disrupt bullying dynamics.  The vast majority of children or individuals who are bystanders actually have sympathy for the victim and will report knowing that the bullying is wrong, however they often don’t act out of fear of retribution.  When individuals become empowered to “stand up” they shift the culture that allows injustices.  Upstanders challenge the culture of fear and dominance.  When upstanding becomes the societal norm (or when many people are willing to confront bullying behavior and support the victim),

bullying will lose its tragic vise-grip.  

A team of therapists from Beverly Therapists has renewed The Blossom Boys’ initiative, “Bully Free Beverly.” The intention is to educate the community about bullying dynamics and to provide a support network for anyone affected by bullying.  October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and Beverly Therapists invites community children and teens to submit artwork to promote “upstanding.” Upstanding includes themes like “kindness is cool,” “cultivating compassion” and “20 seconds of courage.” 

Artwork will be used to create posters and banners to hang in the community to spread the idea of “upstanding.” “I AM AN UPSTANDER” will frame the top of posters, and “BULLY FREE ZONE” will frame the bottom. Please submit your images and words on white paper, and please leave some blank space on the top and bottom.  We are eager to see the originality, inspirational wisdom, and gentle strength that is out there in our community!

 Artwork should be submitted by Oct. 31 to Lisa Catania, Beverly Therapists, 10725 South Western, 2nd Floor or sent as a .pdf, .ai, .psd or .jpeg to Beverly-therapists@comcast.net .  For more information on upstanding and artwork submissions, and to be part of the “Bully Free Beverly” community, visit us at the “Bully Free Beverly” facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/BullyFreeBeverly.

Contact anyone one of us if you have questions,

BULLY FREE BEVERLY TEAM
Lisa Catania, LCSW  773.719.1751
Jennifer Lara, LCPC  773.251.8016
Michelle Wood, LCSW  773.307.8365

Protect your child from cyberbullying

By Michelle Bashton, LSW

I recently went to a workshop for parents and mental health providers about bullying. The workshop focused on cyberbullying mostly, which is a relatively new phenomenon that has only been researched for the last ten years or so. In fact, cyberbullying is so new that it’s still quite a foreign concept to me, and I’m in my late 20s. It makes you nostalgic to think about the days where bullying stopped as soon as you stepped inside your house. For kids who are bullied today, they’re not safe anywhere. As the law is slowly catching up to technology, the Illinois legislation finally passed a law in 2010 which held schools responsible for bullying intervention, not only on school grounds, but in cases of internet bullying as well. See Illinois State Laws regarding bullying here - Illinois Bullying Laws. Below I’ve listed some great tips for cyberbullying prevention based on findings from the Cyberbullying Research Center.

5 Preventative Cyberbullying Tips for Parents:

1.   Explain to your child that cyberspace IS the real world. The same rules apply for interacting with people on the internet as in real life. Writing a mean comment on someone’s page hurts the same as shouting the comment in a room full of people.

2.  Educate your child. Your child may not be aware of some of the consequences of technology misuse, regardless of how obvious you might think it is. It’s hard to get rid of certain things on the internet once they are there. Misuse could lead to ruining their reputation, getting in trouble at school, getting prosecuted by the law, or even leading to another student’s injury or death.

3.   Monitor your child’s online activities.  This can be either active participation in online activities or through software, however the Cyberbullying Research Center warns:

“Use discretion when covertly spying on your kids. This could cause more harm than good if your child feels their privacy has been violated. They may go completely underground with their online behaviors and deliberately work to hide their actions from you.”

4.   Look for warning signs. Warning signs are displayed both the perpetrators and the victims. Is your child becoming withdrawn? Is there internet usage obsessive?

5.   Maintain an open line of communication with your child.  Actively listen to your child, refrain from making overly judgmental remarks or immediately going into advice-mode. Also, let it be known that you are going to be an adult that will “intervene rationally and not make it the situation worse.”

Additional links and resources:

I-SAFE

NCPC - Cyberbullying

Stop Bullying Now

About Bullying

by Lisa Catania, LCSW


When I was a child, I remember intuiting the social order present in my grade school.  There were the cool, popular kids – they seemed graced in some way – good hair, gregarious smile, athletic ability, most recent fashion…   There were the nerds – they seemed cursed in some way – physically awkward, odd fashion, insecure…  I knew I couldn’t infiltrate the cool clique.  When I naively tried, I was told I was “annoying”.  And I knew I didn’t want to be a nerd, they were ignored and worse yet, the object of jokes and taunting.  For survival, I decided to melt into the background and not garnish too much attention and wait for high school where I could start anew.  (High school was only slightly better because there were more kids to identify with and more places to hide.  But, the social order ranking was omnipresent and even more competitive.)


I  wish now that I could have that time to do over again, but with the perspective and security in myself that I am constantly growing into.  I would want to befriend “the nerds” who I feel I have more in common with – sensitivity, social awkwardness, uniqueness, a lack of fashion sense.  However, I think I might still shy away from popular social acceptance, the sting of rejection and the perceived  work to maintain conformity still leaves me with uncomfortable feelings. 


As I work now as a therapist with children who experience the continuum of this dynamic, whether they are being bullied, feel left out, or struggling with what concessions they need to make to fit in, I sympathize greatly with their daily experience.   For these children, it is hard to re-enter the same situation day after day where you have to face social bruising, or worse yet, outright verbal, emotional, or physical violence. Children tend to face bullying during the unstructured, unsupervised moments of the day when any hope for caring adult intervention is lacking.  At these times children fall back on whatever resources they have, whether it be crying, retaliating, shrinking away, assertiveness….  They are the assigned victims in someone else’s script, and whatever response they give, it will be used against them.  The bottom line is that even if they have had a loving parent or a caring therapist coach them, in this moment they are very alone and most likely feel deeply shamed and inadequate.


The current literature in bullying stresses that bullying is a social phenomenon.  A person who bullies looks to secure his or her social status in some way.  A bully often scores low on emotional empathy ratings, and does not mind if they feel powerful at the expense of someone else’s pain or fear.  Besides aggressive actions, bullying does take the form of repeated social isolation, disregard, and gossiping/perpetuating rumors.  These are all ways  “the bully”can feel more secure in their social standing/regard.  (“Bullies” need strong messages from both disciplining adults and their peer group that this way of meeting their needs in unacceptable and intolerable.)


It is interesting that when these dynamics are talked about openly and in depth,  most children in the social setting feel a sense of sympathy for a child who gets bullied or rejected, and have some sense that what is happening is morally wrong.  However, it can feel too risky to stand up for the victim because of the possibility of retaliation or slipping in the social order. 


Indeed, the key to succeed in fighting bullying is two-fold:

1)  To teach all the children in the group (the bystanders) skills of empathy and action.  Parents and teachers should feel reassured that whenever they model or take the time to listen and validate a child's perspective and underlying feelings, they are nurturing empathy and confidence.  Empathy is reinforced by any opportunity to imagine what it would be like to be in someone else's shoes.  The ability to take a stand is learned by modeling, storytelling, and garnishing a lot of praise when someone shows this initiative (even if you ultimately have a different perspective). 
And, 2)  To let children know that involved adults will respond and judiciously discipline, providing victims with safety and support.


As community members, we can all stand behind the Blossom Boys initiative to help create a “Bully Free Beverly”.  We are the bystanders, even when we are not directly witnessing an act of bullying.  A good place to start is to think of your own experiences in your life when you have experienced the roles of the bully, the victim and the bystander.  Make a commitment to show  empathy and to take a stand.  Together we can make a powerful difference and maybe feel more at ease with simply being ourselves, whether an adult, child, socially gifted or a sensitive soul (or any combination of all of the above).

Peace,  Lisa

Dan Olweus has developed an effective comprehensive Bullying Prevention Program based on extensive research. This link describes the dynamics of bullying:
What is bullying?
The American Psychological Association has a very good primer on bullying for teachers and anyone wanting a more in-depth understanding of bullying:
Bullying: A Module for Teachers 

Lisa Madigan's site: Stop Cyberbullying

David Kessler, an authority on grief, writes a poignant and thoughtful article on how we can grieve and learn from the suicide of a child due to bullying:
The Grief of Bullycide

 



Here is a powerful, yet simple, video that is set to music and made by students.  Take a few minutes and watch: