Let’s Spread Kindness in Beverly

By Lisa Catania, LCSW
Printed in The Villager, February 2014

Have you ever observed the power of an unexpected act of kindness?  The power you feel in yourself when you put a kind thought quickly into action and surprise someone with help or a small gift?  Or, the happiness you feel when you take the time to care for someone in a thoughtful way?  And the delight you feel when someone treats you kindly with no expectation of return?  It’s like magic, and creates a special feel-good feeling that feels like warmth, safety, love, luck.

I remember the time my car hit a monster pothole, busting my tire and forcing me to pull over in an unfamiliar neighborhood.  A kind gentleman appeared from his house, and dealt with the freezing cold weather to help me – in return he expected and wanted nothing.  The gift he gave me was more than a securely attached spare tire, he reminded me that people are kind and that I am not alone and unseen in a moment when I felt vulnerable.

There have been other times I have felt vulnerable and have wondered if the world is a safe place, especially when the Sandy Hook tragedy happened last winter.  I found solace in the invitation by a NBC News Correspondent, Ann Curry, to commit “26 acts of kindness” to honor the loss of the all the children and teachers.  What a wonderful proposition to help people feel power in doing something positive and develop a sense of communal healing.  I donated money for orphans in India to be provided with formula – it truly helped me to be a part of “something good”.

The best way to fight hatred, pain, fear and hurt is to act to create a world that reinforces the opposite:  kindness in action.  Kindness also creates community when we see ourselves in other people and offer help when it’s needed or acts of kindness when they are least expected.

Last February I discovered “Random Acts of Kindness week”.  I purchased a bunch of Dunkin Donuts gift cards and gave them to each of Clissold’s crossing guards and thanked them for showing up like postal carriers – through rain and shine and snow and below zero temperatures.  Smiles abounded!

For Random Acts of Kindness week this year (February 10-16^th), Beverly Therapists and Bully Free Beverly invite you to join us in spreading random acts of kindness in our neighborhood.  Surprise someone by paying for their cup of coffee, or dusting the snow off their car, or giving someone in a bus shelter a prepaid fare card, or writing an anonymous note of encouragement, or simply giving a stranger a rose and wishing them a good day…. You can visit www.randomactsofkindness.org for inspirational stories and wonderful inspiration.

To hopefully overwhelm our community with kindness we are printing up “random acts of kindness cards” and will ask local businesses to make them available on their countertops.  We are hoping you can commit some kind acts and give one of these cards to continue the cycle of kindness!  Please let us know what you have given or received: post on our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/beverly.therapy; tweet us @bev_therapists; #kindnessinbeverly; or leave me a voicemail at 773-719-1751 and I’ll spread the word for you!   We are hoping that the cards and acts of kindness will continue to show up in random places for months to come as all the good hearts in our neighborhood will continue to circulate acts of kindness for each other.

Letter to Parents about Bully Free Beverly Initiative

This letter to parents is part of a packet sent to local schools this past week.  Read this and the following 2 posts to get a comprehensive idea of the "I am an Upstander" Bully Free Beverly 2013 Initiative.  Please visit our website to more resources to deal with bullying: http://beverlytherapists.com/bully.htm

"October 2013

Dear Parents,

Enclosed please find an activity your child completed at school in collaboration with our Bully Free Beverly community wide initiative.

October is Bullying Prevention Awareness Month.  Bullying is a societal problem that we wish did not exist.  However, unfortunately, it does exist in both child centered and adult environments as a way that certain individuals look to have their power needs met at someone else’s expense. 

The Bully Free Beverly Initiative was first created by the Blossom Boys, and now we (a team of therapists at Beverly Therapists) are carrying this important idea forward.  Our hope is to educate the community about the basics of bullying dynamics so when situations come up, children and adults will be able to get help.  If you have current concerns about bullying, please reach out to us – we want to help – see our contact information at the end of this letter.

With our current initiative, “I AM AN UPSTANDER”, we are also trying to create a proactive and positive awareness and response at the very roots of bullying – when it occurs.  “Upstander” is a new term that refers to a compassionate, assertive bystander who “takes a stand to help” in the face of unjust, mean behavior.  We have confidence that most bystanders in bullying situations are compassionate and want to act when unjust situations occur. We asked teachers to talk to local students about bullying and upstanding.  We hope you will also talk with your child at home.  We hope this will help your child know they can talk to you if a difficult situation presents, and that you can talk together about positive, empowered ways to help and advocate for oneself and on behalf of others. Acts of upstanding include:

·         interrupting the bully from picking on a target

·         showing kindness and friendship for the person getting picked on
·         telling adults who can and will help
·         showing respect in words and actions

We want all children to feel safe and respected.  Please emphasize to your child that if a situation looks or feels out of control or dangerous, he/she should get adult help immediately and not intervene on his/her own.  For more information on bullying and what you and your child can do in bullying situations visit www.stopbulling.gov and visit our website page at www.BeverlyTherapists.com .

We hope you and your child will help us with our goal of increasing bullying awareness and positive reminders of upstanding on the community level.  Hang the picture in a prominent place at home, as a way to remind that your home is a “BULLY FREE ZONE”.  Also, please submit a color copy, or email us a scanned image of your child’s “I AM AN UPSTANDER” picture.  With your permission, we hope to make some posters to hang around the community and to post all submissions (one a day) on our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/BullyFreeBeverly.  Please like our page, and stay connected!

Mail/drop off (simply slip through our mail slot!) submissions to:

Lisa Catania, LCSW
Beverly Therapists
10725 South Western, 2^nd Floor
Chicago, IL 60643.
Or email images saved as a .pdf, .ai, .psd or .jpeg to Beverly-therapists@comcast.net .

Include your permission to use the picture for poster and/or Facebook use, and let us know if your child would like his/her name to be included, or to be anonymous.

Thank you for your consideration in supporting this initiative. 

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
(Margaret Mead)

With gratitude and peace,

The Bully Free Beverly Team @
Beverly Therapists
10725 South Western, 2^nd Floor
Chicago, IL  60643
Email:  Beverly-therapists@comcast.net

Lisa Catania, LCSW                                  Jennifer Lara, LCPC                                Michelle Wood, LCSW

773-719-1751                                            773-251-8016                                         773-307-8365"

Creating a Culture of Kindness

By John Andrich, LCSW

 

A colleague told me this story: “A few months ago, a friend gleefully told me about a surprise she found on her windshield; a note with a big smiley face with the message, “You are wonderful. Thank you for being a shining unique beautiful light in the world!”  On the bottom it said, “Practice Random Acts of Kindness. Pass it on.”

When you are kind to others, it not only changes you, it changes the world. – Harold Kushner

Kindness is the virtue which gives rise to a variety of other highly valued qualities: compassion, generosity, empathy, tolerance and acceptance. The ability to consider the needs and desires of others in our interactions is central to our happiness. Psychologist and author Gordon Livingston notes that kindness reflects a belief in the basic decency of others, and so it must be balanced by the ability to recognize those who are unable or unwilling to give in return. It would appear that the capacity for kindness can be overwhelmed by our own self interests.

 

Research has shown that children do not need to be taught or trained to be kind, and acts of kindness can be observed from a very early age. Babies will often join in when they hear another baby cry, and researchers conclude that this is not an expression of distress, but rather an expression of sympathy for the crying baby. Children have been seen offering a toy to a distressed child, patting them on the head, or finding an adult to help.

 

However, by the fourth grade children have been socialized to think more about themselves than others. It is important therefore that children be actively encouraged to maintain the virtue of kindness. A recent research study at the University of California, Riverside, named Kindness Counts, revealed that performing deliberate acts of kindness made pre-teens more popular with classmates, gaining an average of 1.5 friends over the four week study period. The study showed that being kind to others benefits the giver, and earned the children in the study a greater sense of well being, increased popularity, and acceptance from their classmates.

 

To help children to become more mindful about doing acts of kindness, the concepts from the Kindness Counts study can be easily applied at home. The following four steps can help to increase happiness for children:

 

1) Plan a family activity. Create a month long activity where the entire family (including parents) record one act of kindness or one pleasant activity per day. You might call it your “Happiness Project” or “Happiness Diary”. These activities might include letting someone else go first, going out of your way for a friend, taking care of an animal, hugging someone to make them feel better, helping with dishes etc. They might include visits to places and experiences that make us feel good, like visiting relatives or going to the park.

 

2) Share what you have learned. Take time to share as a family each week. It’s not essential to share everything in one’s diary. What’s important is to share enough so that everyone learns from each other’s acts of kindness and begins to understand the kinds of experiences that bring gratitude to life. Sharing can encourage reflection and help bring meaning to our actions.

 

3) Practice, practice, practice. It may not be practical to keep up a “Happiness Diary” and share it on a consistent basis for much more than a month at a time. But is it possible to choose one month a year for this project? Are there other opportunities to strengthen and encourage kindness throughout the year?

 

4) Educate yourself about kindness. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation website is a great place to begin.  You can learn about the importance of benefits of kindness and become inspired with activity ideas. Better yet, participate in Random Acts of Kindness Week, February 11-17, 2013. Come visit us on Facebook that week and post your inspired good deed or random act of kindness!