Making Meaning Of Loss

By Jennifer Lara, LCPC

 

The experience of loss is one that we will all experience at some point in our lives.  The more we allow ourselves to love and invest in someone or something, the more we are bound to be effected by loss.  Loss can come in many forms - death of a loved one; loss of a close relationship; loss of capacity or ability; job transition; loss of a pet.  Loss, whether expected or unexpected, can interfere with everyday life activities.  A person’s emotional experience of loss is always unique and often painful and intense.  The feelings can be very complex, and a challenge to process. Thoughts come in that feel heavy and draining – Will this ever feel better? How do I cope with the void? Will things ever be the same?  How do I move forward and heal? 

 

Grieving is essential to heal from loss.  The emotions of loss can be so overwhelming that someone may want to avoid, numb or find a shortcut to relieve uncomfortable and painful feelings.   Loss creates a feeling of powerlessness and one might engage in unhealthy behaviors to regain control.  Or one may feel in “auto-pilot” with days passing in a fog.  Create awareness as to how you are experiencing your loss.  Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler speak of stages of grief that one experiences when processing loss:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  Keep in mind that there is no blueprint for healing, transitioning through the stages is not always a linear process, and the stages may be repeated.  Yet, it is also important to understand that honoring and processing our emotions is necessary for the healing process.  You cannot expect to simply “move on”; there is no right or wrong way to grieve. 

 

Moving forward with an intention to heal is necessary for you to feel movement towards inner peace.  Changing the meaning of the loss to one that provides hope and encouragement is beneficial to healing.  Engage in activities that focus on present and future growth.  Focus on creating meaning that changes your perception of the loss.  What meaning does this loss have in your life?  Is it possible to change your perception?                       

 

The following have been helpful for others experiencing loss:

Allow yourself time to grieve – do not set a time limit on when the process “should” end

Journal to express thoughts and emotions

Meditate

Engage in a self-care routine, including, but not limited to, taking care of your health

Honor the loss in a manner you deem best– it may be creating a visual space with picture/objects or establishing a ritual, such as lighting a candle every evening

Connect with your support system

Seek professional support

 

Though loss and grieving are truly difficult experiences, they are tributes our love, commitment and connection.  By finding ways to continue to love to offer.