About insurance companies benefits

Someone recently emailed and asked about how to understand insurance benefits, and what to expect to pay.  This is a very common question, so I thought I'd post my response:

Each insurance policy is different.  Usually you will get better benefits if you see someone in-network, however some out-of-network benefits are quite good especially if you have met your deductible.  Some insurance companies manage mental health benefits, and may require your therapist to provide clinical information after they have seen you. You can call your insurance company and ask them to tell you about your outpatient mental health benefits. 

 

Your insurance company should provide this information for both your in-network and out-of-network benefits:

deductible (and what amount has been met, year to date),

 

copayment or coinsurance amount per session,

 

limit in number of sessions per year (if you work for a company that has more than 50 employees you should have unlimited sessions per the Mental Health Parity Act), and

 

whether they cover the modality (individual, family, couple {frequently not covered}, or group) of therapy you are seeking.

 

Once you have this information, you can talk with a therapist and they should be able to help you anticipate what your session fee would be.

 

Hope this helps - feel free to ask other questions in the comments section, or call me if you have more questions.

 

Peace, Lisa Catania, LCSW
773-719-1751

Parenting From A Distance

John Andrich, LCSW

 

The word adolescence literally means “to grow up”. The end of adolescence in the early to mid-twenties is typically defined by what society associates with adult behavior and psychological maturity. One of the chief tasks of late adolescence is to develop a sense of autonomy from parents. By this time parents have been de-idealized and their role has changed, often being viewed more as advisers, guides, or friends. These changes in children demand understanding and accommodation on the part of parents.

 

However, the end of adolescence is not the end of parenting; once a parent always a parent. It is a transition into a new and challenging stage that asks: What comes next? How does parenting change?

 

One of the first adjustments parents must make is symbolically saying goodbye to one’s previous role. Educator and psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams holds that we need to accomplish a piece of mourning if we are to avoid regression and psychological rigidity. The loss of traditional influence and involvement can be difficult for some parents, especially those that are more domineering, as they experience a reversal of roles. The task for parents is to now fit more into their children’s lives, to learn what their children think is important, and to respect their plans for what needs to happen in their lives.

 

Another challenge facing parents is adjusting to their children’s competing needs to build their own lives, which takes precedence over involvement in the lives of their parents. This raises the question of obligation: do our children owe us obedience and respect despite their needs to build their own lives? Psychiatrist and physician Gordon Livingston contends that relationships based on obligation are seldom satisfactory, and that love and respect are gifts that are freely given. It’s important for parents to remember that being”demoted” does not mean being loved less.   

 

By the time you are an experienced parent you have worked yourself out of a job. But remember, good parents raise their children to leave them, and effective parenting accomplishes that in a healthy, functional manner.  

How To Talk With Children About Violence

John Andrich, LCSW

 

We live in a time in which random acts of violence have become a pervasive aspect of American society, begging the question: “How do we speak to our children about violence?” How can we reassure our children, perhaps help them make sense out of senseless acts of violence, when we as adults struggle to understand how these things can happen? How can we help them feel less anxious and safe in their own surroundings? In our role as parents it’s natural to feel the need to protect our children from the ills of society, but talking to our children about violence is a vital responsibility as parents. 

 

Following are some guidelines: Be proactive and direct. While are children are receiving information and processing it, they may not be able to make sense of it and may hesitate to ask their parents to talk about it. Speaking with our children directly about the issue can serve to relieve anxiety and distress as children receive their sense of safety from the adults in their lives, particularly their parents.

 

Give your child the space to express their feelings and reactions. What they have to say is important, so allow them to express their concerns in their own words and to guide the direction of the conversation. Parents can then clarify and reflect back their child’s comments, summarizing and making sure they understand their concerns. Parents should also be aware of nonverbal cues like facial expressions, tone of voice, or fidgeting. Take your child’s concerns seriously and make this conversation about hearing their thoughts and feelings.

 

Express your thoughts and feeling about violence with your child. How we act and talk as parents can have a direct emotional impact on our children, and it’s important to communicate to them how we feel about violence. Of course this means that we need to know where we stand on the issue. It’s important to be aware of our own feelings on the issue, and avoid influencing your child with your own anxiety. Remember, how you say something may carry as much weight as what you say. Be clear, simple, and direct in what you say, remembering to adapt what you say according to the age of your child.   

 

Speaking proactively with your child about violence can help relieve their worries and fears and help them to feel empowered. As parents, it’s an opportunity to share our values, guide their sense of right and wrong, and enhance our relationship with our child.

Let's bring down the walls that divide

By Kristine Olivas, LMFT

I lived in Germany for the first 10 years of my life and recall the German neighborhood next to our small military community divided by only a 4' chain link fence.  This served as the only separation between our vastly different cultures.  I loved walking over to the German playground and playing on their unique merry go round.  The children in that community would play with me & we shared that common language of "play" as children naturally do.

Then one day, I noticed that when the German kids came to our playground some American boys would get aggressive and chase off the German kids. Pretty soon, I was no longer welcome on the German playground. The boys continued with their mini wars until they had ceremoniously "marked" their territory as off limits.

As I look back on this, I realize how easy it is to construct walls that divide us.  Once that wall is up, it is almost a natural reaction to see each other's differences as wrong and to want to make them wrong.  It’s as if differences are wrong and anyone who is different is then wrong.  It is a natural and automatic practice to assess things and determine if it is “right or wrong”.

How often do you think we all judge someone in a day?  Fat/skinny, pretty/ugly, smart/stupid it goes on and on.  Most of us don't realize how fast we make an assessment of a new person.  How many times have we said, "She’s stuck up" only to find out later she's painfully shy. Or to think someone is an idiot and then once we get to know the person, find out they had a terrible day the day we met them.  Giving people chances to show all of who they are is very hard to do.  But the truth is that human beings are actually very complex and we all have different parts of us that come out depending on circumstances.

We all are struggling on this planet to find our way and whether you believe it or not, we all need each other.  If you took a chance today and brought your wall down, how might your life be positively influenced?  I often wonder about that playground in Kassel, Germany.  What wonderful influence we all could have shared with each other, perhaps lifelong friendships or just a truer understanding of each other's cultures.

So maybe today you can release a judgment of someone, take down your wall and see who that person actually is. And maybe someone will release their judgment of you and allow you to be imperfect and human, perhaps show you some compassion as you also make your way on this human journey.  Just a thought.  What do you think?

Creating Healthy Self-Esteem

By Jinnie English, LCSW

How others treat us is greatly influenced by the way we see ourselves. We all know people who genuinely like themselves and feel content with their lives. Because they see the positive in themselves, they are able to understand and appreciate the good in other people. They treat others with a sense of respect – a skill they know well because this is how they treat themselves. When our feelings about ourselves are positive, we show others that we like and value ourselves – and then others tend to treat us well. But when we have negative feelings about ourselves, so that we are too critical, complaining and pessimistic, others tend to take this attitude toward us as well. How we treat ourselves helps determine how others will treat us.

The thoughts we have about ourselves, or how we define ourselves, contribute to our self-image. The feelings we have about these thoughts, whether these feelings are good or bad, are the building blocks of our self-esteem. Our self-image, and gradually our self-esteem, can be molded by our parents, family, friends, physical or intellectual abilities, education, and jobs. Just as we have definitions for most things in the world, we also have definitions of ourselves. We come to define ourselves the way others define us. Thus, if others treat us with love and kindness, as if we are special and unique people, then we will eventually define ourselves in this way as well. On the other hand, if other people treat us as if we are a bother to have around and not worth much, then we will also come to see ourselves in this way.

Some people confuse healthy positive self-esteem with audacity or arrogance, a false sense of superiority over other people. True self-esteem, however, means that we do not have to assert ourselves at the expense of other people. Indeed, it is those with negative self-esteem who must resort to the tactic of exaggerating their own worth, usually by putting other people down. Those with positive self-esteem can acknowledge their own worth and also validate the positive qualities of others.

Techniques for Creating Positive Self-Esteem

• Work on Your Private Thoughts
How we feel about ourselves privately, whether these feelings are positive or negative, influences how we interpret our own actions, the decisions we make, the goals we set for ourselves, and how we relate to other people. Negative internal feelings usually lead to lower expectations and achievements, while positive definitions usually result in higher aspirations. Consider some of the following ways in which these private, internal thoughts can be modified.

• Examine your unrealistic expectations. Negative self-esteem is driven by thoughts couched in “shoulds,” “oughts,” and “musts.” These words imply that we should be something other than what we are. A more positive approach is to replace these words with “wants.” Instead of saying self-punitively, “I should be a better friend,” it may be helpful to change the thought to: “I want to be a better friend.”

• Accept the fact that history cannot be changed. We often punish ourselves endlessly for certain regrettable actions we have taken in the past – and this feeds our negative self-esteem. But we all make mistakes, and we can learn from them. In fact, the positive spin on this is that we, as fallible humans, must make mistakes in life – and perhaps we should be thankful that we have made them, for how else would we acquire wisdom and learn the route to a happier life? History cannot be undone, but we can focus on the present and future, drawing on our power to create the life we choose for ourselves.

• Reflect on the good experiences in your life. Instead of dwelling our on flaws, it is more helpful to think about what is good in our lives. Think about your successes rather than your failures. We all have life experiences that make us feel good. Define yourself in terms of these positive experiences. Nearly every negative thought can be turned into a positive. For example, if you are in a financial crisis, it’s not the end of the world – because now you can get in touch with simpler pleasures and more meaningful experiences. If a friend has rejected you, you are now free to spend your time with other friends who will treat you well.

• Set positive goals for the future. Examine your personal needs, desires, assets and abilities – and think of how you can use them to achieve the life you want for yourself. Commit yourself to having the best life you can have – without feeling that you have to achieve perfection. Make your goals realistic and achievable, and work toward them, step by step, enjoying the successes and overcoming the occasional stumbles. Draw on the positive within yourself – with an awareness of how the old negative tendencies may show themselves. Setting positive goals draws on, and reinforces, your positive self-esteem and reminds you of the power you have to set your own course.

Negative Self Talk

By Lisa Catania, LCSW

When you stop to listen to the chatter in your mind, do you find negative voices talking to you about yourself or others?  (Don’t worry, it is completely normal!)  Where do those voices come from?  Is there a way to change them?

Most of the time, unwanted internal dialogs are remnant of previous socialization or experience.  At some point, someone probably said negative things to you, modeled limiting behavior, or you picked up critical messages mistakenly believing they belonged to you.

 It may have been a well meaning parent told you that children don’t talk back to their elders (what may have been internalized: conflict or speaking up is bad).  Or, an ignorant (not knowing better) teacher told you that you were not a good artist, or couldn’t form a good argument.  Or, you may have been in a peer group that modeled gossip, and you developed an internal voice wary of who to trust and that you yourself regularly fish for drama.  Or, you may be the victim of marketing, and feel that your body is just not good enough, no matter what you do… 

You get the idea.

We are socialized from the day we are born – we are instructed as to what to believe, what to value, and whom we should be.  It is up to you as a more mature/evolved person to question your beliefs, decide what you truly believe, and to work on transforming internal messages that do not serve your present day well-being.

Once you have identified negative, self devaluing thoughts, these are some things you can do:

Stop them in their tracks.  Observe your thought.  You have a choice: is this something you really believe?  If not, stop and force yourself to repeat a message that you want to believe in its place.  (You are working on interrupting neuro-pathway practiced thought patterns, and redirecting yourself to adopt and practice a new neuro-pathway.)  Example – Stop the thought:  “I am awful at public speaking!”  Replace it with: “It’s okay to feel nervous, and I know I have something valuable to present on this topic.  I will be fine, and possibly even good!”   

Develop new affirmative statements.  Ex:  “I am calm, I am competent, I have something important to offer.”

Practice these as much as possible in your daily thoughts.  Act as if you believe the thought, even if it feels awkward at first.  Just like learning a new motor skill, practice strengthens a mind set, or new neuro-pathway construct.

Develop a warm wise nurturing voice inside of you, that speaks to you from the voice of a true best friend.  Be patient, be forgiving, be gentle, be corrective, and be supportive to yourself.  It may help to think about what you would tell a best friend or your child in a moment of struggle, and give that to yourself.  Or, when you watch a movie and you see a character saying just the right thing to another character, practice having that character in you, coaching you.

In essence, when you learn to challenge and to create an internal dialog that is more authentic to your core self, you adopt and take responsibility for yourself in a very powerful way. And, learning to be kind and loving to yourself helps you to ultimately give love and kindness to others in a richer and more genuine form.

Peace,  Lisa

Protect your child from cyberbullying

By Michelle Bashton, LSW

I recently went to a workshop for parents and mental health providers about bullying. The workshop focused on cyberbullying mostly, which is a relatively new phenomenon that has only been researched for the last ten years or so. In fact, cyberbullying is so new that it’s still quite a foreign concept to me, and I’m in my late 20s. It makes you nostalgic to think about the days where bullying stopped as soon as you stepped inside your house. For kids who are bullied today, they’re not safe anywhere. As the law is slowly catching up to technology, the Illinois legislation finally passed a law in 2010 which held schools responsible for bullying intervention, not only on school grounds, but in cases of internet bullying as well. See Illinois State Laws regarding bullying here - Illinois Bullying Laws. Below I’ve listed some great tips for cyberbullying prevention based on findings from the Cyberbullying Research Center.

5 Preventative Cyberbullying Tips for Parents:

1.   Explain to your child that cyberspace IS the real world. The same rules apply for interacting with people on the internet as in real life. Writing a mean comment on someone’s page hurts the same as shouting the comment in a room full of people.

2.  Educate your child. Your child may not be aware of some of the consequences of technology misuse, regardless of how obvious you might think it is. It’s hard to get rid of certain things on the internet once they are there. Misuse could lead to ruining their reputation, getting in trouble at school, getting prosecuted by the law, or even leading to another student’s injury or death.

3.   Monitor your child’s online activities.  This can be either active participation in online activities or through software, however the Cyberbullying Research Center warns:

“Use discretion when covertly spying on your kids. This could cause more harm than good if your child feels their privacy has been violated. They may go completely underground with their online behaviors and deliberately work to hide their actions from you.”

4.   Look for warning signs. Warning signs are displayed both the perpetrators and the victims. Is your child becoming withdrawn? Is there internet usage obsessive?

5.   Maintain an open line of communication with your child.  Actively listen to your child, refrain from making overly judgmental remarks or immediately going into advice-mode. Also, let it be known that you are going to be an adult that will “intervene rationally and not make it the situation worse.”

Additional links and resources:

I-SAFE

NCPC - Cyberbullying

Stop Bullying Now