After the
holiday season, we gather up the last of the bows and the wrappings, and find
little niches for all the new presents.
Every now and then, there can be emotional baggage that is hard (and detrimental)
to store away.
“‘Tis the
season?” The classic picture of the holiday season includes families and
friends getting together in peace and harmony.
That happens… sometimes. At other times, old hurts get triggered and unhealthy
patterns of interaction resurface. Sadly
for some, there is no interaction. When estranged from family members, the cultural
focus on family togetherness highlights the divisions.
In these cases,
family relationships and friendships can be injured by misunderstandings or
angry words. An individual may feel
slighted, and may “write off” the offender. Suddenly, all the positives that
have occurred previously are forgotten, and all future actions are viewed through
a negative lens. The hurt person may gather evidence for the conclusion they
have decided on.
There are
times when abusive relationships and dysfunctional family dynamics make
distance necessary for self-protection. Creating
supportive environments through friends or “adopted families” helps fill
important needs for support and connection.
Even if situations require distance from family, individuals can still
work internally on their wounds to create more room for forgiveness in the
future or from a distance.
So how or
why should we forgive? The why is clear.
Unresolved anger and resentment eat away
at our well being and intrude on our peace of mind. The how involves taking into consideration
that people are human and make mistakes.
Very often, the hurt caused by ignoring or retaliating is greater than
the original injury. We have the right
to express what we would like to see change, but we lose the opportunity for
change when we “write off” someone because they have wronged us. No one is all good or all bad. Can we
recognize that the missteps co-exist with the good deeds? If we can focus on
the positive aspects of a person and speak up or step back temporarily when the
negative creeps in, then we get the best of both worlds. We have the
opportunity for improved relationships.
The
fill-in-the blank phrase “when you did _____, I felt______, next time please_______” can provide a framework for
expressing what changes you want. We do possess the capability for healing and
change. If we can allow for the imperfections of the people in our lives, we
can move past the hurts and enjoy the richness of the relationships around us.
