By John Andrich, LCSW
A colleague told me this story: “A
few months ago, a friend gleefully told me about a surprise she found on her
windshield; a note with a big smiley face with the message, “You are wonderful.
Thank you for being a shining unique beautiful light in the world!” On the bottom it said, “Practice Random Acts
of Kindness. Pass it on.”
When you are kind to others, it not only changes you, it
changes the world. – Harold Kushner
Kindness is the virtue which gives rise to a variety of other
highly valued qualities: compassion, generosity, empathy, tolerance and
acceptance. The ability to consider the needs and desires of others in our
interactions is central to our happiness. Psychologist and author Gordon Livingston
notes that kindness reflects a belief in the basic decency of others, and so it
must be balanced by the ability to recognize those who are unable or unwilling
to give in return. It would appear that the capacity for kindness can be
overwhelmed by our own self interests.
Research has shown that children do not need to be taught or
trained to be kind, and acts of kindness can be observed from a very early age.
Babies will often join in when they hear another baby cry, and researchers
conclude that this is not an expression of distress, but rather an expression
of sympathy for the crying baby. Children have been seen offering a toy to a
distressed child, patting them on the head, or finding an adult to help.
However, by the fourth grade children have been socialized
to think more about themselves than others. It is important therefore that
children be actively encouraged to maintain the virtue of kindness. A recent
research study at the University of California, Riverside, named Kindness
Counts, revealed that performing deliberate acts of kindness made pre-teens
more popular with classmates, gaining an average of 1.5 friends over the four
week study period. The study showed that being kind to others benefits the
giver, and earned the children in the study a greater sense of well being, increased
popularity, and acceptance from their classmates.
To help children to become more mindful about doing acts of
kindness, the concepts from the
Kindness Counts study can be easily
applied at home. The following four steps can help to increase happiness for
children:
1) Plan a family activity. Create a month long activity
where the entire family (including parents) record one act of kindness or one
pleasant activity per day. You might call it your “Happiness Project” or
“Happiness Diary”. These activities might include letting someone else go
first, going out of your way for a friend, taking care of an animal, hugging
someone to make them feel better, helping with dishes etc. They might include
visits to places and experiences that make us feel good, like visiting relatives
or going to the park.
2) Share what you have learned. Take time to share as a
family each week. It’s not essential to share everything in one’s diary. What’s
important is to share enough so that everyone learns from each other’s acts of
kindness and begins to understand the kinds of experiences that bring gratitude
to life. Sharing can encourage reflection and help bring meaning to our
actions.
3) Practice, practice, practice. It may not be practical to
keep up a “Happiness Diary” and share it on a consistent basis for much more
than a month at a time. But is it possible to choose one month a year for this
project? Are there other opportunities to strengthen and encourage kindness
throughout the year?
4) Educate yourself about kindness.
The Random Acts of
Kindness Foundation website is a great place to begin.
You can learn about the importance of benefits
of kindness and become inspired with activity ideas. Better yet, participate in
Random Acts of Kindness Week, February 11-17, 2013. Come visit us on Facebook
that week and post your inspired good deed or random act of kindness!
