Do you feel worthy of good things?
Take a moment to really think about this… Might you block believing or expecting that
you are worthy of good things? Might you
believe other people are worthy of certain things, like good fortune, finding
love, good health…BUT different luck or rules seem to apply to you?
We receive so many messages throughout our lives telling us
who we are and what our expectations should be…
Advertising shows us that skinny clear-complexioned people are worthy of
happiness and confidence. Girls were
told for decades that kindness and being attentive to a man would bring them
love and security. Boys were told that emotional
toughness and being good at sports would make them a worthwhile man. How do you come to terms with being
“acceptable and valuable” if you don’t measure up or don’t choose to measure up
to perceived expectations?
And what about messages that are passed along through our
families, friends and teachers? Be
friendly, be smart, don’t be needy or weak, win the trophy, be independent,
don’t trust anyone, and only the competitive thrive and the strongest
survive…. Expectations are often laden
with an underlying message of not being “good enough”. Inevitably even the best of us fail – what
does this say about you and your worth?
Emotional wounding from abuse or neglect can deeply impact
an individual’s sense of worth. As a
therapist, I often hear, “If my own parent couldn’t
validate/appreciate/value/love me, how can I expect anyone else to really love
me?”
The end result can be internalized messages of shortcomings
and inadequacy, and believing that we are not worthy of the very things we want
so much – like love, acceptance, security.
A belief of unworthiness shows up in negative self-talk, limiting
beliefs, procrastination, sabotage, and even a hardening to receive when a need
is being met.
Having a healthy sense of self-worth means you believe you
are deserving and valuable as you are. Worthiness is rooted in self-acceptance,
self-compassion and self-love. It is an ability to see ourselves as flawed but
still good; and, as suffering and worthwhile of our own compassion and
love. When you notice yourself speaking
derogatorily to yourself – stop and imagine a beloved friend or child. Practice speaking in a comforting, calm,
gentle, encouraging way to yourself.
Brene Brown, PhD, a researcher and author, describes
worthiness as accepting that we are “imperfect: hard wired to struggle and to
fail”, but always worthy of love, security, admiration and belonging. She proposes that when someone can remain
self-loving, forgiving and understanding when they are in the midst of failure,
shortcomings or shame; they can develop an openness, comfort with
vulnerability, hardiness and optimism in life.
You can improve your sense of worthiness. Positive and
affirming self-talk is the cornerstone of a good sense of self-worth. When someone believes they are worthy they
can say and believe this quote by Brene Brown:
“(I am) worthy of love and belonging - not if, not when – (I am) worthy
of love and belonging now. Right this
minute. As is."
You are worthy. Invest and believe in you. If you start to really love and value you, you may find love, acceptance and getting your needs met happens more readily.
Peace, Lisa
