How To Talk With Children About Violence

John Andrich, LCSW

 

We live in a time in which random acts of violence have become a pervasive aspect of American society, begging the question: “How do we speak to our children about violence?” How can we reassure our children, perhaps help them make sense out of senseless acts of violence, when we as adults struggle to understand how these things can happen? How can we help them feel less anxious and safe in their own surroundings? In our role as parents it’s natural to feel the need to protect our children from the ills of society, but talking to our children about violence is a vital responsibility as parents. 

 

Following are some guidelines: Be proactive and direct. While are children are receiving information and processing it, they may not be able to make sense of it and may hesitate to ask their parents to talk about it. Speaking with our children directly about the issue can serve to relieve anxiety and distress as children receive their sense of safety from the adults in their lives, particularly their parents.

 

Give your child the space to express their feelings and reactions. What they have to say is important, so allow them to express their concerns in their own words and to guide the direction of the conversation. Parents can then clarify and reflect back their child’s comments, summarizing and making sure they understand their concerns. Parents should also be aware of nonverbal cues like facial expressions, tone of voice, or fidgeting. Take your child’s concerns seriously and make this conversation about hearing their thoughts and feelings.

 

Express your thoughts and feeling about violence with your child. How we act and talk as parents can have a direct emotional impact on our children, and it’s important to communicate to them how we feel about violence. Of course this means that we need to know where we stand on the issue. It’s important to be aware of our own feelings on the issue, and avoid influencing your child with your own anxiety. Remember, how you say something may carry as much weight as what you say. Be clear, simple, and direct in what you say, remembering to adapt what you say according to the age of your child.   

 

Speaking proactively with your child about violence can help relieve their worries and fears and help them to feel empowered. As parents, it’s an opportunity to share our values, guide their sense of right and wrong, and enhance our relationship with our child.